You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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