why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
