Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
