OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
