You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she told me i tasted like america
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
