i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
