I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
