I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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