i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
