next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
