I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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