I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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