I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
