Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's shark week go big or go home
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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