Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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