We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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