Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
