Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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