Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
