just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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