thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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