is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
