Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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