Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not ubering you a puppy
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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