my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
