I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
