Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
