Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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