you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
