Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
