I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
