Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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