is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
