My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
