Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
