1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
