i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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