dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
