You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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