You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
