I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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