best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
