He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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