What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's like heaven, but drunker
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
