Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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