Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
