im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
