We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
