I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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