There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
