And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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